Monthly Archives: January 2014

As the law firm of Ahlers & Pennella has won a temporary injunction against the commissioner of this league relative to accusations of accounting improprieties, I will be temporary serving in this capacity.

As I imagine will come to a great relief to those of you who have been subjected to 10 weeks of synaptic vomit from “the commish” (who incidentally is also facing copyright infringement charges from ABC, Stephen J. Cannell Productions and Michael Chiklis), I value clear and concise communication.

The winner this week is the team of C. Ahlers & C. Pennella. (though one might reasonably argue that we are all winners for having been spared from my predecessor’s equally pretentious and ludicrous lexicon).

It is as yet unclear whether Ahlers & Pennella may have been deprived of previous week victories due to negligent spreadsheeting.

Note that all participants were accounted for this week.  It is also as yet unclear whether past exclusions were a function of non-participation or negligent spreadsheeting.

As I, personally, have better things to do than spend half my afternoon formatting spreadsheets, below are your (officially verified) results for the week.  The Pennellas continue to maintain a narrow lead.

God speed-

Mssrs Smith

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Although they live beneath two different roofs, a heated rivalry has emerged between Claire T and ZdP.  Stung by the exuberant acclaim showered upon Claire with her student of the month accomplishments and her recent growth wall exploits (watch out, Klaus!)  Zane channeled his wrath to claim his own student of the month honors and more importantly, the week 10 football pool title.

Though he attempted to quash the sibling rivalry theory during the impromptu week 10 victors lunch he threw for himself, Zane’s recent acts have failed to assuage this reporter’s doubts.

Consider that after being forced to bear witness to Claire’s hard court exploits all summer, Zane has now signed up for basketball for the first time in his thirteen year existence.  Or how after seeing Claire’s trick or treat take, Zane came out of candy collecting retirement to hit the streets Halloween night with the abandon of a Jehovah’s Witness on commission.  Coincidence?  Perhaps.

But what if I told you that the number one item on Zane’s xmas list was a Flemish Giant rabbit who — along with his chihuahua jockey — was capable of scaring the pellets out of Claire’s comparatively diminutive Spotikins?

Or if I told you that Zane has been recently spotted hanging out with a kid named Charles, which just happens to be short for Charleston, which just happens to be the next major city to Savannah, which just happens to be one of Claire’s top gal pals??! What would you think then? Hmm?!?!?!

Yes, my ADD med levels are fine, thank you. We’re talking about the kids here.

As for the overall family race, I should mention that the Pennellas have taken back the family lead. And that Jack’s strategy of protecting his win percentage lead by watching everyone else flounder from the sidelines is looking genius. And that Claire is in last and that Zane is almost in the lead. And that while Claire is all “whatever”, Zane is somewhere howling with glee and doing a rather unmanly jig.

See summary of results below…

The Commish

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First of all, a belated explanation to the bitter folks (soon to be bitterer) below the Mason Dixon line.  I failed to realize that last week’s demand for recounts and associated questioning of the commissioner’s character and spreadsheets were not offered up in Jim Carrey jest  but rather in Pacinoesque seriousness.

To close that case, while both P. Todaro and the M-D liners both finished with 8 wins, P’s chosen total number of Monday night points was closer to the actual points, thus handing Pete the victory.

And as for this week?  Well…

Only this time it came down to P. Pennella and the M-D liners.  But ironically, once again the M-D liners came up just north of the combined monday night points.  (Actual points 47, Pop 48, M-D Liners 52).

Thus — with all due respect to the M-D Liners — I rest my case.

Congrats to Pop Rock on his 2nd win in three weeks.  This one’s for you (and maybe sis too)…

In the overall race, only one Todaro got their picks in and she didn’t do so hot.  But as Zane and Mike stunk, the Todaros maintained the slimmest of leads in the overall percentage race.

See results summary below…

the Commish

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In the wee hours of Friday morn the planet silently slipped off its axis, jettisoning us all into an alternate reality.

In this alternate universe, Zane is too focused on other worldly concerns to make football picks, Mike’s soccer team wins championships, Claire — the once student of the month — traipses around neighborhoods looking like a bozo and asking for handouts, and the Lions are the darlings of sports radio.

And in this bizarro world, Peter the not so Great defeats the opening act at a 65 and over dive bluegrass bar (the Clark/Chris combo) for weekly football picking supremacy.

Yes, in this world of whack, our man about campus even sports tweed blazers, pledges Sigma Chi and trades Tricia in for a Tri-Delt.   (OK, maybe not the Greek part — even Bizarro worlds have their plausible limits).

Will the shackles of this Schrodinger hell be shook off and normalcy re-established?  Or are we fated to while away our remaining days in a world where all mental strata must be reconstructed?

Stay tuned….

See results below.

-The Commish

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Thanks to the Giants win last night in a game that offered as much entertainment value as an evening in front of the composter (or a U10 girls field hockey game), Rock snapped a multi-season scoreless streak heretofore rivaled only by his son’s collegiate performance with the fairer sex.

Across the eastern seaboard, sales of flashlights, generators, firearms, bottled water and Twinkies were brisk, suggesting that others too viewed Rock’s win as a sure sign of the impending apocalypse.

The family race remains as tight as Montgomery Burns’ ass with the clans’ overall winning percentages separated by less than half a percentage point.

And speaking of God help us, Kris has reemerged as the overall leader at 52%.

See results below.

-the Commish

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