Commissioner note: Due to the ongoing complaints of the youngest pool participant about the LEXICON of your dutiful SCRIBE, I have now decided to institute a GLOSSARY.
Moving forward, additional explanation for any term displayed in ALL CAPS (other than “ALL CAPS”) can be found just by hovering over it. Merriam-Webster will be my official source (well, until Peter informs me that they are in fact owned or associated with Fox news, Exxon, or one of the three major US breweries, at which point alternate sources will be identified).
Hopefully, this will AMELIORATE the situation for MISS MIDDLE SCHOOL, while still delivering on the heady humor demanded by the football betting COGNOSCENTE.
First of all, apologies to the female members of the Pennella family for not getting their picks this week. It was a last minute undertaking.
The infusion of fresh TODARO blood resulted in unprecedented levels of mediocrity with nary a single participant eclipsing the .500 MARK. From this MORASS of middling, three finished in a DEAD HEAT — Kris, Mike and Jack.
But in the football equivalent of the hand-holding running race finish (which incidentally is grounds for disqualification in MA cross country and cost someone a state championship) Kris and Mike somehow both picked 38 in the TEXANS/CHARGERS Monday night OVER/UNDER tie breaker (closest to the actual 59 points) and emerged co-champions.
This freak occurrence has restored K’s belief that Mike is in fact her SOUL MATE, reversing last week’s devastation associated with a Chinese Zodiac based online compatibility calculator deeming their relationship “unsuitable”.
As such, Emerald drive residents can look forward to fewer “How about you make your own f-ing dinner?!” reprises in the coming days.
On an equally lighter note, the Todaros do hold a slight lead in the family competition after week 1.
We look forward to the exciting developments of week 2, including the injection of the remaining Pennella family members into the mix.
See results below…
-The commish
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