Patriots (won by more than 7)
Chargers (lost by less than 9.5)
49ers (won by more than 2)
Saints/Seahawks was a push (Seahawks won by 8, but spread was 8 — so nobody wins)
Kris leads the playoffs challenge at 75%. As does the Todaro family (60 to 53%).
See below for official tabulations. Don’t fear the tech (or the reaper).
-the commish
Well formed habits are hard to break. The Pennella clan took advantage of their fresh start and…immediately fell behind.
But to save Pop the effort, I shall remind the Todaros that the playoffs are a marathon and not a sprint.
OK, well, the playoffs only last five weeks, so perhaps it’s more like a 10-miler.
Oh, the Robot just reminded me one of those weeks is just ESPN foreplay, so the playoffs are only like 4/17 of a marathon. So probably a 10K analogy would be more appropriate.
Wait, wait, Robo also just pointed out that there are a lot less games per week in the playoffs. If the average regular week has say, 15 games, the playoffs only have 3. So you got to take 1/5 of 4/17, leaving us at 4/85ths of a marathon.
Like I said, to save the Pop the effort, I shall remind the Todaros that this is not a sprint but a mile and a quarter run and…ah screw it, we’re probably already toast. Plus, now I feel like I’m doing Claire’s homework.
The first week results…
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OK, so while in a perfect world ground rules are delivered prior to actual engagement, let me provide a few words on how the playoff competition is going to work.
John Locke. Oh, wait…
Image credit: Bigdmia, Flickr (Creative Commons)
First all, we are going to kick it Locke style and go all tabula rasa, which is Latin for “funky spreadsheeting”, I do believe. Pennella, the football picking robot, just gave me that cringey look and head shake. Tough crowd.
In other words, we are wiping the slates clean. In part, because some of us are so far behind and would already be mathematically eliminated from any combined regular/post-season competition.
Yes, in that past, we have leveraged some escalating scoring schemes to aid the laggards (including the admittedly poorly thought out exponential based scheme from 2007 where the Pro Bowl (the meaningless all-star game that even Zane only watches 3/4s of ) ended up being worth 512 wins.
However, in a nod to those verbal types in the crowd, matters have been simplified this year.
OK, week 1 playoff results to follow.
-the Commish
Football betting integrity was dealt its final death blow as the Todaros locked up the overall regular season family title and Pete won the final week despite having his Mother make all his picks.
Modesty was dealt a similar blow, as Zane laid claim to the individual title by the scantest of percentages over Kris and Pete. But as for the rest of the Pennella family…
See final regular season results below or check out the snazzy Smore flyer.
Congrats to the all winners, and gosh darn it, that includes every last one of us. Well, maybe, except…
-the Commish
When you fail to participate in our collective Sunday ritual, you not only sleight your football betting brethren, you slight me. Because…
And thou shall not make weak excuses about getting wrapped up in Christmas. I’m not saying junior’s birth is not worth celebrating. But please do not lose sight of what really matters. Remember without God there would be no field goal (sorry about that Ravens 61 yarder, Lions fans, it’s just that your mascot’s reputation for eating Christians has always rubbed me the wrong way. Plus, your coach was a real jerk in a previous life). Oops, spoiler alert on the multiple lives bit. Christian minds blown everywhere, I know.
As for the results, Mike’s willingness to abandon the aforementioned God forsaken Lions, was richly rewarded as he notched a one-win victory over his son this week.
Overall the Todaros continue to lead, if not exactly curry my favor.
Yo Pete, I don’t care what your funny guy Vonnegut magnet says, if I was alive today I would not be an atheist. Agnostic, perhaps. But not atheist. We’ll chat when you get here. Relax, you got plenty of time. Just be careful with that wood stove.
Jackson, I’m digging the art, but put the paintbrush down for five minutes and make some damn picks, would ya? BTW, the Onion rules.
Clarice. Do not neglect to read these emails that you deem witty but not always worthy of your literary attention. And for my sake, ditch the side bangs. Can’t stand watching you screw with them all game long. Do this for me and I’ll give you at least 5′ 8″.
And fear not darling, I do bless your mother. She always gets her picks in. And her unorthodox, belly up melt-downs are rather endearing.
Alas, I digress.
Zane hath regaineth the overall percentage lead. But Z — and I don’t mean to play the biblical heavy here — Proverbs does remind us that “Pride goeth before destruction and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Let’s just say that black ice at the Lehigh Valley mall was no accident yesterday. Capiche?
Happy holidays and God bless.
– the big guy
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