In a classic case of meta-fictional poetic justice, the fictional accounting enquiry triggered by the decidedly non-fictional rumblings of the fictional Pennella & Ahlers firm resulted in the discovery of a decidedly non-fictional mistake.
The highly complex spreadsheet determines the winning team in light of the final score and the point spread and places said team in the all important row #9. If this team name matches the selection of the individual pool combatant, they are awarded a win.
While fundamentally sound from an engineering standpoint, this system has one potentially fatal achilles heel (which I just discovered is redundant as Achilles actually died from his injury) — spelling errors. For example, hypothetically, if the winning team was the LIONS (as I said, this is hypothetical), but a participant’s selection was the LOINS, well then that individual would be deprived of their rightful victory, and the overall accounting would be incorrect. Same would hold true for say a Week 8 scenario involving the DOLPHINS and the DOLPPINS.
And if this hypothetical error happened to occur in the context of a particularly important swing game (Claire: a swing game is where one male prepubescent (prepubescent being the pre-existing condition of idiocy that often plagues the male species prior to even entering a pub) challenges the other to leap from their playground swings from increasingly higher heights until someone wusses out or breaks something), this could result in the declaration of a mistaken victor.
Now if one deigns to venture further into the hypothetical, one could imagine a particularly uncomfortable scenario where not only the litigiously inclined Pennella & Ahlers were deprived of a weekly win, but that said win would come at the expense of the commissioner’s own significant other and result in her relegation to the dank weekly wins basement.
And to conclude this exercise in the improbable, imagine if the commissioner was then not only to declare himself the victor in the week immediately following the disclosure of said improprieties but also pronounce himself as the new overall co-leader (along with the previously mentioned and now perhaps previous significant other). One might envision a scenario where said pronouncement would not be embraced with the selfless, warm-hearted “good for him” cries that might normally accompany this holiday of thankfulness (and forgiveness).
Yea, that would not be good at all. No sirree.
Revised standings through week 12 are below.
-the Commish
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